Brian May "Shall we all stop flogging this to death?"

Roger Waters "It's just not the same without my mate Dave"

Jon Anderson "How about a game of five-a-side, winners get to use the name for keeps?"

Gene Simmons "I feel a bit self-conscious"

Pete Bingham "We're not bringing out an album this week" (sorry, Pete!)

Francis Rossi "Let's try that again, but in 13/8"

Steven Wilson "The original mix sounds fine to me"

Ozzy Osbourne "The new album is based on my personal translation of Homer's Iliad"

Paul McCartney "ooh, that's a bit too high for me"

Prog magazine "Here's a new band that aren't very good"

Opeth "This is our Christmas single"

Elton John "I'd like a pair of flip-flops, size 12"

Pink Floyd "There's nothing left in the archives - that's it"

The Who "There's nothing left in the archives - that's it"

Queen "There's nothing left in the archives - that's it"

Madonna "I reckon I'm getting a bit old for this"

Gentle Giant "Let's keep this simple"

editor's note: some or all of this might not be true