Brian May "Shall we stop flogging this to death?"
Roger Waters "It's not the same without my mate Dave"
Jon Anderson "How about a game of five-a-side, winners get to use the name for keeps?"
Gene Simmons "I feel a bit self-conscious"
Pete Bingham "We're not bringing out an album this week" (sorry, Pete!)
Francis Rossi "Let's try that again, but in 13/8"
Steven Wilson "The original mix sounds fine to me"
Ozzy Osbourne "The new album is based on my own translation of Homer's Iliad"
Paul McCartney "ooh, that's a bit high for me"
Prog magazine "Here's a new band that aren't very good"
Opeth "This is our Christmas single"
Elton John "I'd like a pair of flip-flops, size 11"
Pink Floyd "There's nothing left in the archives - that's it"
Madonna "I'm getting a bit old for this"
editor's note: some or all of this might not be true